ZURICH - After the Justice Department prosecuted various officials from world soccer's representing body on charges of debasement and renumeration, berserk and noticeably anxious authorities from FIFA held an offhand public interview Wednesday to report that the United States has been chosen to host this present summer's 2015 World Cup.

"We are excited to uncover that, without precedent for a long time, the World Cup will at last come back to America, with matches set to commence today at 5 p.m. in Los Angeles," said FIFA president Sepp Blatter, grinning comprehensively before divulging the competition's official logo, a hand-drawn stick figure kicking a soccer ball with "USA 2015!" hurriedly wrote in dark marker over its head.

"With world-class venues in urban areas the nation over and a quickly developing enthusiasm for the game, the U.S. is the ideal decision truly the main decision for this current summer's competition. Everybody at FIFA is sure that the 2015 World Cup in America will be a gigantic achievement, and billions of fans from around the globe will, in only a couple of hours, meet up to appreciate this heavenly show of soccer over the nearing weeks."

At press time, the U.S. national group was driving guarding champions Germany in the World Cup's opening match in the wake of being honored 12 punishments in the diversion's initial three minute